Braids in the time-space continuum

Had Latin today. I finished about a third of my translation assignment, so needless to say I was sweating my balls off when we were going around the room, but it turned out all right. Tonight there are two basketball games I'm excited to see (so excited, mind you, that I had a dream about fantasy basketball last night. What a cock, right?) AND I got confirmation on the job interview from last week. So let me tell you about the job:

I'm going fully off what I was told in the throes of Nyquil, mind you, with NO fortification of Wikipedia or anything like that, so some of this information may be a bit skewed. But in 2004, a bookstore in New York called the Gotham Book Mart went under. It was described to me as a sort of City Lights of New York for the American modernists. They had a lot of self-published chapbooks and other items of interest (some of which Penn will be working into their rare book room. Fingers crossed for some Tennessee Williams signed copies!), which, if you don't know, is RIGHT up my alley. This is my favorite area of literature, really the only area I consider myself [moderately] well-versed in besides Classics, and not only will it be making me a fat ten dollars an hour for fifteen to twenty hours a week (once again, the ball's in my court for that decision) but it will look good on my resume for next year, AND I'll be spending a lot of time reading bull shit that I would like to be reading anyhow. Sure, I'll run into quite a few authors, no doubt the great majority of them, who history and myself do not give a fuck about. I'm sure, as a friend of mine who worked here last year, that I will encounter lots of self-published shit that I read and think, "Damn, I could have written this in fourth grade" (her words, not mine). But it can't be any worse than undergraduate creative writing, right? At least these fuckers had the balls to put their shit together in some sort of book format.

So although I have zero dollars to my name as of now, I have about a hundred dollars left on my credit card before I max it out, and word through the grape vine is that the remainder of my loans will be here soon. So not only will I have a steady source of cash flow from this job, but also a fat chunk of money from the loans. What can I say? Things are looking good right now.

Oh, and my roommate's car will not take him back to North Dakota. It is not capable. So he's marooned! Fuck yeah!

I have to be at the pet store to buy my cat some more food. Let us all now have twists of fate that force us to do what we wanted to do all along but external circumstances prevented us from doing so. Ciao! (I am feeling  awfully KAWAIIIIII right now)

Take a ride on the bastard train

I've been bad. Where I used to use this thing to procrastinate doing actual work, I've found myself doing even baser level activities to procrastinate writing in here, which is in turn a procrastination of doing real work. So I find myself on Monday, twenty pages of Livy staring me in the face, and after two hours of reading about Piers Anthony on Wikipedia and how to Roach King is upset that bedbugs are taking over the east coast, I finally sit down in front of the computer screen (or rather, click on the "New Post" tab) and decide to write here before challenging the Livy. But I hope you're as happy with this decision as I am.

It's been a pretty killer week. Found out I in fact do NOT have to give a presentation tomorrow (phew), bought a scratching post for my cat, did really well on my homework, umm, watched some good movies, and enjoyed some fine company. My sleep's still a bit fucked, but that's just fine. I tried to remedy this problem with Nyquil last week (as well as a cold I've been fostering) and ended up screwed the entire next day (when I had to take a Greek midterm and have a job interview, which leads me to another good thing, which is that I very well may have a job by the end of the week. I'll tell you about it if I actually get it-- it seems like a pretty good gig). The bottle remains in my medicine cabinet and I think it will sit there for quite some time more.

I have completely run out of money-- which for the time being is all right, I have lots of pasta in my cupboard and just found a whole 'nother cigarette hiding inside my pack-- but it gives me a good excuse to bitch at the university a bit more for their incompetence for getting my loan refund back to me. Seriously, it blows my mind. It's over half way through the semester and because of some strange technicality I have received enough money from them to cover my living expenses for about two weeks, pay two months rent, and for the first of my cat's vaccines. There are two more vaccines she needs, as well as the problem of her tubes remaining intact. This little bastard makes up about 80% of my eight hundred dollar credit card bill. Just another of the things to be paid once I get my four thousand dollars I'm waiting for (and Sally Mae is barking up my tree to get their twenty five dollars a month payment, what the fuck? They still haven't taken anything out of the bank). Looks like kitty is going to have to wait for those other vaccines, although hopefully not until the end of the semester.

I have also made good(ish) friends with some of the local wildlife in the area. During the Phillies series (fuck) I spent a good amount of time in the pizza place/bar around the corner from my place, and although these people are self-proclaimed bums, they have no shortage of intelligent and interesting things to talk about. This one fellow, for instance, Greg. Apparently he went to Berkeley for Political Science, then six years of a Ph.D program somewhere, until finally he dropped out for some reason I cannot recall at the moment. It could all be bullshit, but I've heard this guy tell the story probably four times to assorted company at the same table, and it's always remained consistent. And his friend, whose name I can't remember, who is probably fourty five and black and a REALLY smooth rapper. Just found that out the other night. Slick flow, I say.

Oh, and one other. But this one certainly isn't as friendly as the other two. Well, friendly isn't the right word. He can be just as friendly, but he's much more volatile. A Latin American chap who moved to Philadelphia I think some time ago, named in at least two bands' liner notes and even band names, usually wearing the old school, tacky, poofy red USA olympics caps and ALWAYS drunk as shit. And I'm talking really drunk, shouting something about the Lord Jesus being the Sun in the Night Sky just before he teeters over into my shoulders. And that I need protection, man, and then he hugs me. His name's Omar, by the way. You may have heard of him. I'm sure he's made the news before: the police just ignore him at this point.

Well I've drank my way through about a liter of water during this post and am starting to get a bit anxious about the Livy. Long, horrible night, here I come! I have one pot worth of Fourth Roast beans left and another pound in the mail (thanks pop). Here we go.

PS: you'll notice these silly little squares beneath each post. You don't even need to be logged in to tell me if I'm being an asshole. Take advantage of that shit!

bring me the lochnar

Hey! It's been a while! This week has been pretty ridiculous; nevertheless, I've managed to keep spirits high. My Latin class was cancelled last week for this thing called Fall break (seems slightly unnecessary?) and the homework load has been immense. Twenty pages of Cicero for Tuesday. TWENTY. At Western I would translate maybe two. I've got eight left, I think. I know what's happening tomorrow!

My room smells like cat piss. I need to wash my sheets but it costs fucking six dollars. Tomorrow!

Not much else to say. Made a shepherd's pie today from scratch with Christopher, and it was bomb as shit. Have a presentation to give next Tuesday in Latin. I'll have something else to talk about soon.

Will you get up off your knees?

I'm twenty two years old. It's a long way off until twenty three, too. And you know what's been flapping in my ears incessantly, making me feel crazy? Marriage.

That's right, marriage. I hardly think I'm unique in this. I did, however, think I was of the general consent when I decided a long time ago that I don't want to get married until... you know... thirty or something. Who knows. Not yet. But each day that goes on, there are more and more of my closest friends growing up getting engaged or married. One time last week, somebody got engaged and another was married in one day, and the next, another engagement. My head was spinning-- I've just moved to a new place, from which I plan to move to another new place, and on, until I finish what I've set out to do in life.

Here's the problem: with all of these people getting married so young, I'm forced to consider that "pursuing your dreams" and "settling down" are not mutually exclusive. This is a tough thought. The times I've felt most settled in life are those times that I've been least inspired. The times when I've been most inspired are the times I feel like a piece of shit, like I have no friends, that no woman should ever put herself through the pain of actually wanting to be in a relationship with me; and you know what? Through conditioning or some other chemical something connection going on in my brain, I've grown to like those feelings. I get more shit done that way.

But what I mean to say is, maybe it's just mutually exclusive for me (although I find it hard to believe that when considering to plan an entire wedding, buy a house, think about KIDS and shit, anybody would have any time-- or more specifically, mental energy-- to get anything done in the morning or before they go to bed AT ALL) and maybe I'm one of these dudes not meant to be married for a long time. Is this a bad thing? You know, I think it is.

Just that everybody is getting married right now puts a great deal of pressure on other members of their generation to do so. I mean, christ, why else would somebody be compelled to be married? Is it because they all just fell in love with "the one" at the same time in life? I think it has more in common, probably, with lunch and dinner rushes at a restaurant. Either everybody gets hungry at the same time, or everybody sees everybody eating their big, juicy burgers, and wants a piece of that. So either this wave of marriage will end with many divorces (which, come on guys, is obviously the case), or everybody will live happily ever after.

Good way to deal with all of this? Just get engaged. Don't get married.

Doin' you and your brains cells much damage

Hey team. Guess what? I haven't smoked a cigarette in about 36 hours. And I have a break from school until Wednesday. WHICH MEANS I'll probably smoke a couple of cigarettes tonight (it was unintentional).

I love irritating, bitchy secretaries. I understand that a certain amount of knowledge is required to do this job, as I have done it myself for quite some time, but once you learn this low, base form of knowledge, there is absolutely no reason to mount a high horse. I also understand that the longer you work a job the more embittered you become for it and (moreso) its customers. But come on, if you have a specific, ridiculous protocol for the way you do something, even if it is for the purpose of facilitation--indeed, ESPECIALLY-- do not get pissed at me for not knowing the protocol straight-out.

I'm saying this because I just paid rent for last and this month. In the little "for" section, where most people just say "oh, write whatever you want there," she wanted me to write my address etc. Not a horrible request, so I take my checks back and write the address in the space. Like this: "4416 Walnut Apt. B." And once I finish and hand them to her, she says "You're writing too much. You don't need to write Walnut and you don't need to write B. Just put 4416 dash B." When I type this, it seems pretty reasonable. IT WASN'T. She was straight bitchin' at me. And you know the worst part? She inspired absolutely no confidence in me that the landlord will know why I'm paying two months rent, instead of just one. Our rent's not due until the 15th.

Something a bit happier. You remember how Ladybird was pissing on my bed and shitting all over the floor and generally just making a huge mess, being a bad kitty? I tried everything from vinegar to treats to get her to stop being that way, but nothing at all worked. Eventually I just had to lock her up in the bathroom (this was... three days ago?) with her bed and food, and watch where she would pitch her loaves. Then I laid down newspaper, put a litter box next to that spot full of newspaper, and then ANOTHER box next to the previous one full of litter. She would shit and piss on the floor, once time pissing in the newspaper box, but she wasn't using multiple places. So today, I'm trying to take the next step: let her roam through the house, hoping that she'll go back to the bathroom when she needs to go. What do you think? Good idea?

I need to look up recipes for baked ziti. That's what I'm goin' for tonight.

like a tragedy it's falling through

No, I didn't write the poem in the post below.

Just got the (I think) final passes of the War Dogs CD. God damn does it sound good. There should be some new songs up on the Myspace pretty soon. www.myspace.com/wardogsofthepacific

What a wonderfully anticlimactic day. I woke up super late, skipped the Classics colloquium at four, and ended up basically sitting around on the couch all day. I do have some Greek to do, but it will only take a few minutes.

Fresh cilantro is the best thing in the world. That's all for today.

Read with a glass of scotch.

on lighting a cigar

we ask for no mercy and no

miracles;

(if only there were fewer flies around

as we ponder our imbecilities and losses!)

I light a cigar, lean back

remember

dead friends dead days dead loves;

so much has gone by for most of us,

even the young, especially the young

for they have lost the beginning and have

the rest of the way to go;

but isn't it strange, all I can think of now are

cucumbers, oranges, junk yards, the

old Lincoln Heights jail and

the lost loves that went so hard

and almost brought us to the edge,

the faces now without features,

the love beds forgotten.

the mind is kind: it retains the

important things:

cucumbers

oranges

junk yards

jails.

I have killed a fly

that tiny piece of life

dead like dead love

there used to be over 100 of us in that big room

in that jail

I was in there many

times.

you slept on the floor

men stepped on your face on the way to piss

always a shortage of cigarettes.

names called out during the night

(the few lucky ones who were bailed out)

never you.

we asked for no mercy or miracles

and we ask for none

now;

we paid our way, laugh if you will,

we walked the only paths there were to walk.

and when love came to us twice

and lied to us twice

we decided to never love again

that was fair

fair to us

and fair to love itself.

we ask for no mercy or no 

miracles;

we are strong enough to live

and to die and to

kill flies,

attend the boxing matches, go to the racetrack,

live on luck and skill,

get alone, get alone often,

and if you can't sleep alone

be careful of the words you speak in your sleep;

       and

ask for no mercy

no miracles;

and don't forget:

time is meant to be wasted,

love fails

and death is useless.

-CB